good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
