mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
