The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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