I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
