In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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