He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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