I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
