I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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