Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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