her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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