That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
