When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
