This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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