and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
