I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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