yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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