If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize