Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just google imaged poop.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
