my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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