3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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