This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
