ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
