Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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