I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
