I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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