I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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