I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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