I've blown a few things in my day
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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