I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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