I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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