I am in a vortex of obligation.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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