I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
