it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
