R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i think my mom watched the whole time
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
