my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
