I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
