I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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