tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
