this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
