Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
