3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
