Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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