It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
