bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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