I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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