Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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