their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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