We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
