I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
