I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
