He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
