the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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