Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
