Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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