Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
