Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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