fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
