do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
