I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
