Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
