peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
