Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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