he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
