help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize