Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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