You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
