God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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