it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
