I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
