I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He better not be in your backpack
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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