I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
