the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
