god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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