i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize