i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
